Today's subject came to me as I was reviewing a relationship I had been in and looking at a new one and going wait a minute this guy is displaying a few characteristics. As always before we dive in let's knock out a few dates.
Today is the full moon. I know it's been looking like it's 100 percent full all weekend but it's today.
Get out your paper and burn your intentions.
Other than that there isn't much going on out there this week.
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Alright, grab your coffee, pop or whatever and settle in this might get long.
Toxic or Abusive Relationships.
First I want to say I'm no expert and I have no background in this other than personal experience which has been mild. My experience has been verbal and emotional and never became physical where I was hit or worse. With that said if you are in a relationship one of these relationships I encourage you to take your power back and get out of it as fast as you can.
I will say while I was researching this topic on Saturday night many of the characteristics between the two were so similar that I just labeled it as toxic or abusive because to me that are interchangeable.
Here we go.
Red flags your person displays. Now I want to also put this out there. This doesn't always mean a romantic relationship, this can be a friend or someone you trust or a family member. But because my experience has been romantic that's the view I'm using.
The top red flag I found for an abuser are: The person pushes for a quick involvement. (instant relationship) There is jealousy. What I mean by this is not only does the person want all of your time when he/she can have it but when he/she is not with you they want to know everything about your day. Who you were with, was the person you were with a threat to them as in, is the person you were spending time with someone that could possibly take you away from them. This can get real strange. Your toxic person may ask questions pertaining to the sex of a coworker you talk about if you haven't mentioned a name. I've had this happen. This person becomes controlling. Tries to tell you how things should be done in your relationship which then leads to cutting you off from your support people. Yes this happens. The person you are in a relationship with becomes so involved with you they start to tell you what you can and cannot talk about with your friends.
Now I understand a relationship is between me and my guy but if my guy is doing things that make me go hummmm.....I want to be sure I'm looking at the hummm...the right way and bounce this off of my trusted girlfriends. Now, I have a bonus because my girlfriends are all intuitives. I will say I don't always listen to the red flag and then find myself in a hole lot of trouble. But we will get into the why in a little bit.
More red flags: blames you or other's for his or her situations or experiences. Never takes responsibility for himself or herself. Makes you feel like crap in the process because you actually feel sorry for the person until you see the light or as I like to say the rose color glasses come off.
The person is easily insulted and goes off on why they have been wronged or think that they have been wronged. They may have mood swings. Ok here is a dangerous one playful forceful sex. Yeah, if the person gets rough with you in bed and you're not into that and your partner knows it there is an issue.
Verbal abuse and emotional abuse...This is where you are never able to do anything right. Example: This can be as little as you have a night out with your friends and then the next day you are told he hates when you go out because you sleep late recovering from the night out and there are things you need to get done around the house or with the children if you have children. So then you stop going out with friends because the double edged sword of I want you to have your friends and fun but then the reality of I hate when you are out because you can't function the next day gets old so you just don't fight it. And then your friends just slowly go away and he has successfully isolated you. This can also happen with family. The person may make what you think are valid excuses for not having the two of you at family events or holidays.
It was after my relationship with a emotionally abusive person that my mom came up to me after she had read an article in a women's magazine and said I never knew, had I, I would have tired hard to get you out.
The extremes: cruel to children and animals. Has a past of abuse.
Ok now that we got all that out there let's talk about what do you do.
Here's my first answer. Listen to your gut. Your inner voice. What is it telling you? Then bounce things off your friends and listen and take in all they are saying. They will see the red flags before you do. Again your rose colored glasses might be on. Mine were for a long time and my girlfriends had to about beat me over the head.
The push and pull of this relationship can really be intense. The energy connection between you two can be so strong it's hard to see clearly what it is that is going on .
So why do we stay in these kinds of relationships. We all have our reasons. I know that sounds like such a cop out but it's true. We all have things we need to go through and at the time if you are so connected to this person or if you know someone that is going through it, you can't get out of it until you are ready. The straw that breaks the camels back has to happen before you make a move.
Now I have had a few red flags with a guy. Did I run? No. And you're all like, WHAT? Well there was a strong connection. When he was around it was all good. He did all the right things and when he was gone, there was another skirt to chase because we were not in the same area. Then he would come back because he knew he could and I would pick him up and dust him off and get him thinking straight about himself and he would talk about us giving it a try and off he'd go with me being hopeful and then I'd get the call that he was off with someone else again. In the process I couldn't see past the "love" I had for him and therefor couldn't see the way he was really treating me. Plus I believe there was a bunch of past lives holding us connected and a life contract. All of which I've hoped I've worked on and have healed through Reiki and regressions work. I know what I should do if he should do if he comes back in, but, there is always a but right.
A new one did come in, and the universe has a way of testing you to make sure you've learned the lesson and are truly ready to move on. I say this because I'm saw some of the same behavior. I saw the jealous side, the controlling side, the quick rush to be with me and the flags. My friends were like girl you'd better and I did.
I truly believe now what friends have been telling me for years. You really need to be happy with yourself and the right one will fall into your lap. Use your alone time to trust the universe that it will all work out in it's time. It's hard to do but really work on yourself and self love so you can stand in your power and keep your power. Many times we give our power away and do not realize we've done it. It's not selfish to stand up for yourself. If the person you are with is truly your person, they would never treat you horrible or make you feel horrible. I mean OK you're going to have fights now and then or not see eye to eye on something but you will never feel like you have to change to be with that person.
I am hoping one person that reads this finds the strength to leave a toxic or abusive relationship. You are worth so much more than what you are receiving within this type of relationship. You are worth love and much more so stand up and take your power back. It may take a while but it's OK. You will see and learn from what you are going through.
Many Blessing All,
Wendy
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