New Age Bullies Part 2.

So I posted this to my tumblr as well. Here's the address: New Age Bullies Pt. 2

				New Age Bullies Pt. 2 I wrote a part one here if you’d like to go back and view it or the graphic I posted. New Age Bullies Part 2! These next posts won’t be as long as the first one bec...
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I wrote a part one here if you’d like to go back and view it or the graphic I posted.

New Age Bullies Part 2!

These next posts won’t be as long as the first one because many of the same points will be reiterated probably each time, though different stories and such.

Point 2: If you encounter someone/something aggressive/violent, it’s because it’s in YOU (mirror theory).

First off: no.  Just. No. Once again this is victim blaming. It’s incredibly damaging to a person to tell them that they deserve all negative things that happen to them.  Did you get robbed because you’re really a thief deep down? Did you notice that one of your friends is very jealous; does it mean you’re also very jealous? Your partner is very vocal when they’re angry; does this mean you also have anger you need to work through? You were attacked walking down the street; are you also likely to attack someone?

Think about all of the scenarios in your life where someone, in one way or another, told you it was ultimately your fault. How awful did you feel? Did you question everything afterwards as to whether or not you caused it or felt you deserved it. Think about someone who is in an abusive relationship of any kind. To tell someone they deserve it is probably the least bit of advice ever. Spend your energy on trying to find a way to leave this situation rather than giving them reasons to stay! Telling someone they caused this abuse is likely to make them think they can fix it. Some people are just not good people. That doesn’t mean that you deserve to be treated poorly. If they genuinely want to make changes, and have asked for help, then please do help them. You cannot make the changes for them.

I talked about Tracy in my last post. They would often make me feel like most of the ‘negative’ emotional stuff I was going through was my fault. I was attempting to get an energetic healing business launched while also working my 40-hour work week. I was exhausted all the time. Unsurprisingly, that business didn’t grow much. I had no extra energy to put into it. There’s no denying that. I was also in a very unsupportive environment. I was told I wasn’t emotionally in a place where I wanted new clients (not true). I was told I needed to do more, but all attempts were critiqued in a negative and unhelpful manner. I was struggling, true, but the lack of support I received from Tracy opened a space where I felt I couldn’t do anything right (this flowed into our friendship outside of the office). I couldn’t write blog posts without having a near panic attack or in tears because I was so tired, and I felt it was the worst thing I’ve ever written. I felt that no matter what I would try it would be because I just deserved to not have new clients. I felt like I was an awful practitioner. Maybe I just wasn’t that good. Maybe I just can’t succeed in a business I really love. Maybe I’m just meant to stay at a job because I’m just a horrible person.

While it’s true that my obvious burning out was effecting my ability to put new energy into this new business venture, I was constantly told that my attempts wouldn’t amount to anything. If Tracy didn’t hate any attempts I made, it was met with ways to “make it better” or with a hesitant “I guess you could do that” or “wow! You’re actually doing something!” How condescending is that? Stop it people.

All in all, you can’t control what people are like or the things that they do. On a spiritual aspect, we’re told that we’re put into situations that are “learning experiences” for us to experience. God is just testing you. You’re only given as much as you can handle. Well, aren’t you learning about things that you don’t want to happen again? While I do believe that we are put in situations to learn from, but not to the extent that I should be treated like shit just so I can experience a spiritual awakening. It doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve the support I need to make it through this experience. It doesn’t mean that I can control other people and what they do let alone deserve it.  People need support from those close to them. People tell you stressful and painful experiences in a vulnerable place. Just listen. Acknowledge something painful happened. Don’t try to analyze why any of it happened. Listen with an open heart. That will go much further than anything else you can say or do.